Your marriage is bad. Or not so good.
At work you’re not so happy either. You go there because you feel you have to, not because you want to.
You’re not getting along with some of your family members.
Your health is failing.
You make too little money.
Your daily routine tires you out.
Or something different makes you not-so-happy. Maybe loneliness.
No, I’m not trying to pull you down. But you probably saw something of yours in the above menu. If you didn’t, feel free to add to it.
What if you could get rid of your troubles? Would you like to?
If not, I respect your choice. Sometimes we are so used to having them that we can’t imagine life without them. It’s OK.
However if you have suffered enough in some matters and the solution isn’t nowhere in the view, I will simplify the task for you.
From every troubling situation we have maximum three ways out. Not more then three. And as many as three. It makes life easier. They are:
- Accept the way it is.
- Change the situation.
- Leave it.
To accept is to completely agree with what is. Saying: “I’m taking it/her/him the way they are, I’m deciding to be happy with it and I won’t expect more that I can get. I will learn to love it in this version. And I will never ever complain about it.”
To change the situation means to work on it. Realize exactly what make you unhappy and try to change it. Usually the situation involves other people, so keep in mind that they will probably need to participate in the change. More or less willingly. The key to success is to outline new, adequate terms for this situation. Ask yourself a question: “What concrete aspects would have to change and how so I would become completely satisfied?”
To leave means exactly this – leave the ship. Admit to yourself: “I can’t accept it, it’s not changeable or I’ve stopped even wanting it, I’m leaving. And not coming back. I will look for happiness elsewhere”.
The feeling of unhappiness is caused by the feeling that there is no way out.
“Yes, I realize I can’t change him, a but I love him, however I can’t live like that.”
“I’m trying to change it, but it’s not happening. Maybe I should resign and just accept what is.”
“I want to leave, but I have nowhere to go.”
The feeling of unhappiness comes from a simple fact that we are not making a choice. We get tangled up between the options, sometimes two, sometimes all three of them, without consequences, stubbornly we go around: “Yet it isn’t so bad. Oh but it is! I will give her/him a piece of my mind, so it finally changes. Well I did it and nothing has happened, so I’m leaving. No! How can I leave? Where would I go? Is it really so bad here? Well, it is. So I will give him/her a piece of my mind…”
I’ve been there. Many times. Vicious circle.
The suffering results from being in between choices, in a grey area, not here nor there.
We are afraid to choose. The choice results in a series of other choices and changes to be made. It can be difficult. Ask yourself, whether it would be more difficult to stay for the rest of your days in the not-making-you-so-happy situation or choose once and consequently go after it?
You always have somewhere to go.